I don’t have to chase extraordinary moments to find happiness – it’s right in front of me if I’m paying attention and practicing gratitude.
Yesterday started out feeling a little….well….bloopy? Did I just make up a new emotion? I know I can’t be the only parent feeling this way right now.
It was the ultimate feeling of not being motivated. I didn’t want to work out. I didn’t want to struggle through extra learning for the kiddos at home school. I didn’t feel like cooking healthy food or trying to navigate business, or learn a new skill. I felt…lazy. I felt tired. I wasn’t unhappy, I just wasn’t feeling peppy, at all.
Normally I would absolutely combat this feeling. Push forward somehow, and let guilt wash over me if I didn’t accomplish enough or cheerlead my kids to learning new abstract things. I would do everything in my power to ensure that that night, I pushed my self to the limit and made sure that no stone was left unturned in my day.
Instead, I woke up and snuggled with the kids on the couch. We snuggled, and watched T.V., and ate chocolate chip pancakes. We watched more T.V. We watched the Neverending Story. We snuggled more. We played Jenga. We just were, and it was exactly what I needed. I was fully present, and fully okay with not hustling to make anything happen that the three of us weren’t feeling.
In the afternoon we ventured outside, and for the first time in nearly five weeks I took some photos of them while they blew the fuzz from weed and rolled around in the grass. We enjoyed homemade pizzas and watched movies and laughed together. And all of it was enough.
Yesterday I found a little bit of peace. I got to lean into the stillness of the world with my crew, I got to feel love and no agenda. Maybe that is going to be my great lesson through all this. Maybe what I will learn will be to cut out more of the white noise in my life and get down to the meat of what feeds my soul. Maybe all this stillness is a real, tangible and beautiful gift. Yesterday gave me pause and reminded me what it actually is that I am always working for, and I am grateful for it.